You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
