Don't make out with my wife yet
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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