I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
