My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
