I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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