You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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