I cannot find my penis.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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