dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
