Cold hands, warm shart.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
