remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
