no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
