I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every concussion has its silver lining
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
