Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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