I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
