Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
