hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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