My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
