i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
