You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
