in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
