Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
