Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
