hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
