I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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