WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
