found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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