I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
