it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties