Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?