It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation