Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?

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  (720): well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you? http://tfl.nu/2ont
  Replies (24) Good night (857) Bad night (2906)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

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  (847): I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july. http://tfl.nu/a19z
  Replies (20) Good night (5982) Bad night (655)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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  (856): Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend. http://tfl.nu/zfxw
  Replies (10) Good night (3604) Bad night (738)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars

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  (516): Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars http://tfl.nu/6xt5
  Replies (21) Good night (7280) Bad night (1001)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

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  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (7545) Bad night (1261)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.

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  (908): I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11. http://tfl.nu/hmrj
  Replies (37) Good night (1186) Bad night (9383)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.

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  (207): I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow. http://tfl.nu/e26q
  Replies (11) Good night (4319) Bad night (1118)
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  (607): View more from New York

  My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.

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  (607): My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good. http://tfl.nu/t7su
  Replies (7) Good night (3047) Bad night (910)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.

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  (+44): I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life. http://tfl.nu/bbi7
  Replies (14) Good night (7301) Bad night (1215)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...

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  (217): she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening... http://tfl.nu/ap34
  Replies (5) Good night (1040) Bad night (3278)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.

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  (330): All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold. http://tfl.nu/zmz2
  Replies (16) Good night (3702) Bad night (1438)
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  (716): View more from New York

  you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.

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  (716): you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out. http://tfl.nu/mu2i
  Replies (1) Good night (1475) Bad night (707)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?

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  (630): Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo? http://tfl.nu/ndaq
  Replies (2) Good night (908) Bad night (429)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe

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  (815): Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe http://tfl.nu/9pv6
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (388)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital

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  (617): And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital http://tfl.nu/4ljf
  Replies (0) Good night (219) Bad night (389)

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