Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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