Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder