i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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