Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
