I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
