mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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