You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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