Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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