This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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