He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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