My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They have beer where we have blood.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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