There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
