I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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