Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm having to shit out rocks
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