dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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