You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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