there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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