I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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