Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
