Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
