we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
