Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
