its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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