she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
