I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
