He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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