i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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