dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
