Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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