I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
