absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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