someone threw a dead crab at me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
