i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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