there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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