Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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