Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
