he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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