im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
as a side note pls kill me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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