where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize