Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
