Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just cropdusted the office
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
