Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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