I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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