I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
