I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Welp...herpes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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