while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
