when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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